Metal Gear Rising SUCKS: The Debriefing

rising_sucks_solidkenny

With vengeful tool of justice in hand, the mysterious warrior “Solid Kenny” slices apart Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance in this epic article, which exposes the artificial insides of the gaming community’s gory little cyborg darling.  It doesn’t get any more brutal than “Metal Gear Rising Sucks”.

Not only that, but brace yourself for an unthinkable TWO HOUR VIDEO dissection of the smash hit, with knowledgeable commentary, behind-the-scenes research, and endless razor-sharp arguments for anyone who dares to defend Rising as a worthy entry in the Metal Gear franchise!  If you’ve never cared about the game before, you will after this.

Continue reading

Why I Hate “The Last of Us” (Now With More Hate!)

 

[NOTE: Full review is on its way. This was a reaction to the initial E3 trailer and hype.]

NOW WITH MORE HATE!

[Added a second part.]

You’ve probably heard of The Last of Us by now, which means you’ve probably shrugged and said yeah, cool I guess.  It’s the gory post-apocalyptic PS3 exclusive developed by Naughty Dog, makers of the Uncharted series.  It’s already won a bunch of awards, including “Best of Show”, “Best Original Game”, “Best Console Game”, and “Best Action/Adventure Game” at this year’s E3.  There’s no doubt that it will be a highly polished, carefully crafted, and feature unparalleled voice acting and CINEMATIC CINEMATIC CINEMATIC.

Continue reading

Why must the Skullgirls store be for U.S. only?

Damn you, internet!  When will you ever recognize Canada as being close enough to America to be able to ship your shit to us as equals!  All you have to do is literally drive across an imaginary line.

Skullgirls official store has opened, so within 10 minutes I had my cart full of $80 worth of awesome merchandise — including a Peacock aluminum water bottle, a gray Skullgirls hoodie, and a Ms. Fortune t-shirt — eager to throw my money at Alex Ahad and Reverge Labs, Continue reading

Brink nominated for “Most Disappointing Game of 2011”

There was a time when Brink seriously tried to tout itself as “The End of the Genre As We Know it”.  Now GameTrailers has nominated it as a contender for “Most Disappointing Game of 2011”.  That’s hard-earned recognition, I’d say.  All of that silly marketing backfired, and don’t mind saying I’ll kick it while it’s down.  Kudos to Gametrailers for admitting that it fell for the stupid hype.

Here’s the piece I wrote on it:

 

And a shout out to my homie this guy, he knows what I’m talkin ’bout.

Why the Wii U will be a great console

The Nintendo Wii U, codenamed “Project Cafe”, was officially unveiled at E3 just days ago. It’s already the subject of much debate and concern. I believe these concerns are stupid, and based on a few critical misconceptions.

The critic’s argument goes like this:

“The Wii was supposed to be revolutionary, but in the end it just sat on our shelves and collected dust! Only some of the first party titles developed by Nintendo were cool, and the rest were crappy. It was a huge disappointment, so therefore we should expect the same from the Wii U.

“The failure of the Kinect and Move motion controls, as well as the mediocrity of the Nintendo 3DS, also reinforce that Nintendo’s strategies are filled with bad ideas and they can’t be trusted to innovate.”

Nintendo Wii U console and controllerEven if I agreed that the Wii was a failure (which I don’t,) it’s a fallacy to argue that its failure translates into some kind of doom spell for the Wii U. In fact the only problem the Wii really had was the misunderstanding of what it was trying to do! And that was thanks to the ridiculous interpretation given by gaming sites and magazines.

For those of us who bothered to pay attention, we know that the Wii was trying to appeal to people who never normally played games. This is called the blue ocean strategy, in which a company targets new demographics instead of always trying to satisfy the same small group of devotees. This was a stroke of genius, even if it made them unpopular in the eys of the old fans. Millions of people who never paid attention to consoles were suddenly intrigued and willing to give videogames a try, so yes, the Wii was a success, not a failure.

However, the game industry (and other millions of gamers) felt betrayed, so they left the Wii out in the cold. The old paradigm was having trouble coping with the fact that Nintendo was returning to it’s family-oriented origins and shrugging off the imaginary “debt” that they owed to the 20-30 year old nerds who supposedly kept the industry afloat. “You can’t break up with me! I’m breaking up with YOU!” The Wii got a bad name for no good reason, and to this day I can’t talk to a fellow gamer without hearing about how the Wii was a “gimmicky failure”. They just can’t comprehend that Nintendo wasn’t trying to impress them, and that’s okay.

Continue reading