Achievements! Glorious achievements!

ACHIEVEMENTS ARE THE ONLY WAY I KNOW WHETHER I’M HAVING FUN.  THEY LET ME KNOW WHETHER I’M DOING SOMETHING I ENJOY OR WASTING MY TIME.  PLUS HOW CAN I BRAG ABOUT DOING SOMETHING IF IT’S NOT OFFICIALLY VALIDATED AS AN ACHIEVEMENT THAT I UNLOCK?

Behold!  The achievements (or are they called trophies? I don’t know) for Metal Gear Solid 4 are almost nigh, and some of them are already listed around the Internet!  I wonder what impressive feats these permanent, shiny awards will commemorate?  What will I look back on and remember with pride?

Overhead View, Just Like Old Times… – Used overhead view on Shadow Moses Island.

Oh.  I’ll just… put that one on the lowest trophy shelf, I guess.  Right next to that trophy I got for accidentally inhaling atmosphere one time.

Achievement unlocked: “Too Little, Too Late”

After four years of refusing to stroke your delicate little ego for shooting guys in the crotch, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots will finally include achievements, this August.

I couldn’t care less about achievements, actually, especially if they’re as boring and straightforward as the ones included in the HD Collection which came out recently.  Instead of providing replay value or unique challenges, they simply acknowledge the completion of normal game missions.  Hopefully, after four years of waiting, these achievements will be more rewarding.

Much more importantly, this comic will no longer make sense to future generations, because the game will no longer torture players whenever they load a game from a new Act!  This laughable feature has infuriated me ever since I first realized the Act installs weren’t permanent and needed to be repeated whenever I tried to replay a previous area.  As you can imagine, writing articles and trying to figure out the game’s story by backtracking to specific parts became a nightmare for me.

Andriasang reports:

Select to give the game a full install, and you won’t have to wait between chapters for data to be cached to your system’s hard disc. This lengthy caching, which was accompanied by an image of Solid Snake smoking, was a major complaint by players.

I don’t know when Kojima Productions learned that the “full install” feature was possible for the game, but it doesn’t matter — nothing excuses such terrible, backwards game design in the first place, and this is too little, too late.  MGS games have always been leaders of pushing console tech, making use of every feature the system has to offer.  To sink to the lowest depths of shoddy workmanship with some half-assed endless re-installation scheme, was really underwhelming no matter which way you sliced it.