The Xbox and The Spin

Two things caught my interest today: one is the “Pros and Cons of an Always-Online Xbox 720” article on for its blatant spin job there, and the other is Marcus Beer’s sudden hypocritical disinterest in next-gen console speculation, which is tucked into the most recent Annoyed Gamer (around the 6:20 mark).

(Be warned, this is going to be a pretty epic rant.)

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Kaz Hirai pussies out, forfeits console war to Microsoft

Kaz Hirai PS4


Hey bitches, guess what?  It’s over.  Microsoft has officially won the console war, Sony is going bankrupt, so sell any shares you might have in SNE (Sony’s Corporation common stock,) because Kaz Hirai shit his pants in sheer terror this week after somebody mentioned Microsoft’s plan for a next-gen console.  Can you say “doomed”?

Everybody and their grandma is buzzing about how retarded Kaz Hirai is this week, and it’s no surprise: all somebody had to do was ask him whether he had the balls to to announce the PS4 like a man — before Microsoft announces their console — and suddenly he turned into a trembling little pussy, saying that he’s too fucking petrified to say or do anything until he knows exactly what Microsoft is going to do first.

Ever seen the expression on a rabbit’s face when he’s cowering with heart racing at 400 beats per minute, frozen and wide eyed as the powerful, cunning fox prowls outside, looking for his prey, sniffing for he scent of fear?  Because that’s what’s happening here.  Microsoft is going to CHOMP Sony’s ass, and Kaz Hirai just admitted they have nothing that can possibly compete with the unbelievably amazing Microsoft Durango 720 Kinect.  In fact this is the best commercial for a Microsoft product I’ve ever seen!  And it’s good timing too, because the Surface Pro is getting slammed like your sister on my first date with her, and Windows 8 is sort of limping like a hunchback bitch right now.  Thanks for the free advertisement, Kaz — now bend over and get ready for Round 2 of Sony getting raped by Microsoft!

Heh, hey know what I just wondered?  Why do they call it MICRO SOFT when they’re so damn BIG AND HARD? LOL

Video Games in the Master Plan

Updated March 6, 2014: Added new section and improved some parts

This article deals with the controlled nature of the entertainment industry, pop culture, and the possibility of a conspiracy to turn gaming culture into a shallow, unhealthy and narrow-minded wasteland.

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