Revengeance analysis video “Give War A Chance”

Here’s a thoughtful commentary on Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, and action games that posture as “intellectual”.  It’s an interesting take on the subtext of Revengeance (yes, apparently it has some!) in which the “true nature” of action games is explored.

Give credit to Chris Wagar from GatherYourParty for this.

Yoshi’s New Island: Abomination League

Yep, I’m giving Yoshi’s New an approximate rating already, based on over an hour of direct gameplay footage.  It’s somewhere between -3 and -4, I just don’t know where yet.  Because you don’t do this to Yoshi’s Island, and you don’t call it Yoshi’s New Island either.  That’s a retarded naming convention which Nintendo never should have used.  They can’t keep track of their own numbers, want to “reboot” it for a new generation, or don’t want to find some new story theme to use as a subtitle?  Fine then, add the console name afterward like you did with “64” in the N64 days, or “Super” with the “Super Nintendo”.  Don’t add “new”, because that’s extremely shortsighted and confusing.  “New Super Mario World Land Bros 2”, which system is that for, again?

As you can see, everything about the game is soulless, pointless, and lullaby-boring.  Every character, animation, and sound effect is either recycled in an uglier form from the original or just “who cares”.  Concepts are about as weak and predictable as you can get, too.  Remember those cool transformation bubbles that turned Yoshi into a helicopter or subterranean mole tank?  Now you can jump into the binoculars transformation bubble to… pause the game and look at the surrounding area more clearly… because they don’t know how to fit the puzzle in the screen or create an intuitive way of giving you the hint, so they’ll just force you to scan around the area.  Weeeeeeee!

The original Yoshi’s Island is one of the best games ever created, and it’s N64 sequel was a steaming load of garbage too, which is why I hope this one burns and fails.  I dare you to watch 20 minutes of this gameplay and then try to remember what happened afterward.  You won’t be able to, because it’s the very definition of bland and unmemorable: [Nintendo removed the video, sadly.]

Compare it to this masterpiece, where ever piece of music and every frame of animation is contagiously memorable 20 years later, even while some jerkoff is talking over it:

Nintendo keeps taking a hot whiz on our nostalgia, instead of reinvigorating it.  The 2D “New Super Mario Bros” games are crappy, uninspired, and formulaic.  They obviously want to keep the property rights to these franchises, so they pump out something lame without thinking too much about it.  The music especially is a big giveaway that they’re not trying, since Yoshi’s Island is known for being full of god-tier melodies, and this one doesn’t have a single tune that I could hum along with if I tried.

I won’t be paying for this game in order to properly review it, but this will suffice.


Unbelievable masterpiece: Metal Gear Cliff Notes part III is out now!!

What can I say about the work that Mr. Lázaro Martinez here?  Aside from literally laughing out loud at the jokes and feeling inspired to think seriously about just how crazy the original Metal Gear really was, I just have to be insanely jealous.  This is crazy, man.  He’s even got lips synchronized, facial expressions, and so much other extra goodies which I happen to know were not in the original script (but which are hilarious) I feel lucky to have been part of the first “Cliff Notes” video series.  That cameo of Ravi Singh is priceless too, this guy really knows how to do a likeness!!

Please do this guy a favor and share this with as many people as you can.  Make the thing spread around the internet like you know it should!

Sean Eyestone walks through Ground Zeroes mission

Why do I continue to be fascinated by Ground Zeroes?

Kojima Productions keeps walking us through similar missions in the same Cuban black site that Ground Zeroes revolves around, and this time Sean Eyestone tries to rescue Chico from the POW section of the camp at night, in the rain.  It’s extremely dry, boring commentary from somebody on the Kojima Production staff.  But I still love what I’m seeing.  Try watching the video on “mute” and imagine taking your time with the mission while doing the typical Metal Gear habits of a) systematically eliminating all guards after interrogating them, b) stealing as much equipment and supplies as possible.  Then imagine turning off “Reflex Mode” and “Tagging” while playing on Hard, and trying to do it as quickly and efficiently as possible.

If you ask me, the real meat and bones of the game looks incredibly compelling.  The most exciting feature I saw here?  The ability to force guards to call out to their friends!  This is actually a feature I’ve thought should be in the game since Metal Gear Solid 3, along with using the enemy’s radio to create false alarms and spread disinformation.  I’m extremely glad to see a step in that direction.  It’s the kind of depth that I want from the next-gen.

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