Yep, I’m giving Yoshi’s New an approximate rating already, based on over an hour of direct gameplay footage. It’s somewhere between -3 and -4, I just don’t know where yet. Because you don’t do this to Yoshi’s Island, and you don’t call it Yoshi’s New Island either. That’s a retarded naming convention which Nintendo never should have used. They can’t keep track of their own numbers, want to “reboot” it for a new generation, or don’t want to find some new story theme to use as a subtitle? Fine then, add the console name afterward like you did with “64” in the N64 days, or “Super” with the “Super Nintendo”. Don’t add “new”, because that’s extremely shortsighted and confusing. “New Super Mario World Land Bros 2”, which system is that for, again?
As you can see, everything about the game is soulless, pointless, and lullaby-boring. Every character, animation, and sound effect is either recycled in an uglier form from the original or just “who cares”. Concepts are about as weak and predictable as you can get, too. Remember those cool transformation bubbles that turned Yoshi into a helicopter or subterranean mole tank? Now you can jump into the binoculars transformation bubble to… pause the game and look at the surrounding area more clearly… because they don’t know how to fit the puzzle in the screen or create an intuitive way of giving you the hint, so they’ll just force you to scan around the area. Weeeeeeee!
The original Yoshi’s Island is one of the best games ever created, and it’s N64 sequel was a steaming load of garbage too, which is why I hope this one burns and fails. I dare you to watch 20 minutes of this gameplay and then try to remember what happened afterward. You won’t be able to, because it’s the very definition of bland and unmemorable:
http://youtu.be/U7MFpAgZaZM [Nintendo removed the video, sadly.]
Compare it to this masterpiece, where ever piece of music and every frame of animation is contagiously memorable 20 years later, even while some jerkoff is talking over it:
Nintendo keeps taking a hot whiz on our nostalgia, instead of reinvigorating it. The 2D “New Super Mario Bros” games are crappy, uninspired, and formulaic. They obviously want to keep the property rights to these franchises, so they pump out something lame without thinking too much about it. The music especially is a big giveaway that they’re not trying, since Yoshi’s Island is known for being full of god-tier melodies, and this one doesn’t have a single tune that I could hum along with if I tried.
I won’t be paying for this game in order to properly review it, but this will suffice.
RATING: ABOMINATION LEAGUE