METAL GEAR SOLID V: GROUND ZEROES (part 2a)

gz_commentary_part2a

Shocking, underwhelming, and confusing at the same time, where does one begin to discuss Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes?  I’m not sure, so I’ve decided to divide my commentary into a few different aspects.  This part discusses the game’s iconic main menu screen.

< This article contains no spoilers >

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Kojima further ruins the mystique of Ground Zeroes with this behind-the-scenes video

Kojima wants to show off, but as I just wrote in my analysis of their marketing, they don’t seem to care about preserving the intrigue and mystery around this game at all.  I’ve always hated behind-the-scenes videos for my favorite things, unless it’s years later and I’m not “into it” the same way still.

METAL GEAR SOLID V: GROUND ZEROES (Part 1)

Back to Ground Zeroes Reports

gz_commentary_part1

Shocking, underwhelming, and confusing at the same time, where does one begin to discuss Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes?  I’m not sure, so I’ve decided to divide my commentary into a few different aspects.

< This article contains no spoilers >

Continue reading

Revengeance analysis video “Give War A Chance”

Here’s a thoughtful commentary on Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, and action games that posture as “intellectual”.  It’s an interesting take on the subtext of Revengeance (yes, apparently it has some!) in which the “true nature” of action games is explored.

Give credit to Chris Wagar from GatherYourParty for this.

Special Limited Time Revengeance Ultimate Edition Bundle!

Everybody, I need to interrupt my Ground Zeroes commentary to tell you about a special limited time offer for Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance available now on PSN!

For only $74.99, you can buy your favorite Platinum Games action game starring Raiden, along with the following super rare and valuable things:

- VR Missions ($2.99 value)
- Jetstream Side Mission (free value)
- Blade Wolf Side Mission (free value)
- Cyborg Ninja Skin (previously pre-order only)
- MGS4 Raiden Skin ($1.99 value)
- Commando Armor Skin (previously pre-order only)
- White Armor Skin (previously pre-order only)
- Inferno Armor Skin (previously pre-order only)

Check out how amazingly cool these skins are in this exciting video:

This is an amazing value that you won’t want to miss!  The regular edition of MGR can be bought for $49.99, which means you’ll get this amazing $5 worth of extra content for only an additional $25!  The “Ultimate Edition” is for true fans who want to show how smart they really are!

Ground Zeroes writings will be coming

I guess I should mention, I bought Ground Zeroes for the PS3 and I’ll be writing about it in a few days once I’m confident that I’ve seen everything I need to.  I’ve beaten the main story and the Side Ops, but haven’t unlocked what I assume is the “Deja Vu” mission.  I’ve listened to most of the audio logs, too.

I haven’t synchronized the companion app, or tested nearly everything I want to though.

Yoshi’s New Island: Abomination League

Yep, I’m giving Yoshi’s New an approximate rating already, based on over an hour of direct gameplay footage.  It’s somewhere between -3 and -4, I just don’t know where yet.  Because you don’t do this to Yoshi’s Island, and you don’t call it Yoshi’s New Island either.  That’s a retarded naming convention which Nintendo never should have used.  They can’t keep track of their own numbers, want to “reboot” it for a new generation, or don’t want to find some new story theme to use as a subtitle?  Fine then, add the console name afterward like you did with “64″ in the N64 days, or “Super” with the “Super Nintendo”.  Don’t add “new”, because that’s extremely shortsighted and confusing.  ”New Super Mario World Land Bros 2″, which system is that for, again?

As you can see, everything about the game is soulless, pointless, and lullaby-boring.  Every character, animation, and sound effect is either recycled in an uglier form from the original or just “who cares”.  Concepts are about as weak and predictable as you can get, too.  Remember those cool transformation bubbles that turned Yoshi into a helicopter or subterranean mole tank?  Now you can jump into the binoculars transformation bubble to… pause the game and look at the surrounding area more clearly… because they don’t know how to fit the puzzle in the screen or create an intuitive way of giving you the hint, so they’ll just force you to scan around the area.  Weeeeeeee!

The original Yoshi’s Island is one of the best games ever created, and it’s N64 sequel was a steaming load of garbage too, which is why I hope this one burns and fails.  I dare you to watch 20 minutes of this gameplay and then try to remember what happened afterward.  You won’t be able to, because it’s the very definition of bland and unmemorable:

http://youtu.be/U7MFpAgZaZM [Nintendo removed the video, sadly.]

Compare it to this masterpiece, where ever piece of music and every frame of animation is contagiously memorable 20 years later, even while some jerkoff is talking over it:

Nintendo keeps taking a hot whiz on our nostalgia, instead of reinvigorating it.  The 2D “New Super Mario Bros” games are crappy, uninspired, and formulaic.  They obviously want to keep the property rights to these franchises, so they pump out something lame without thinking too much about it.  The music especially is a big giveaway that they’re not trying, since Yoshi’s Island is known for being full of god-tier melodies, and this one doesn’t have a single tune that I could hum along with if I tried.

I won’t be paying for this game in order to properly review it, but this will suffice.

RATING: ABOMINATION LEAGUE